Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Fans Want Star Wars Prequels Remade



Recently a fan wrote into Dead Spin wondering if it was time to reboot the prequels, this is what blogger Drew Magary had to say:

I don’t know what the fine print is on the contract George Lucas signed with Disney, but I would assume that $4 billion bought the “white slavers” full control of pretty much everything, much to Lucas’s chagrin. They can do whatever they want now, old man! SUCK IT! Watch them slit Jar Jar’s throat in front of your grandchildren just to make them cry! YOU CANNOT STOP IT.

Anyway, Disney could probably remake the prequels if they wanted to, which they SHOULD. I know it’s not a priority right now, because they’re making the new trilogy (plus the spinoff movies and TV shows and webisodes and puppet documentaries), but they’ve already proven they can make a Star Wars movie that looks and feels and sounds like the old classics: weird creatures in homemade costumes, beat-up spaceships, villains with cool voices, dialogue I like reciting to myself while taking a shit, etc. The prequels lacked all of those things, and their continued existence dilutes the LEGACY OF THE SERIES, which is super important to people like me who have ZERO perspective in life. Also, the fact that prequel shit still infects Star Wars merch and books and toys cannot stand. I would like all traces of Naboo obliterated with a literal Starkiller death ray.

So, somewhere down the line, Disney should (if they haven’t already) make a plan to reboot the prequels and erase the old ones from history. What if Anakin Skywalker were actually played by TOM MOTHERFUCKING HARDY, and instead of being a whiny dipshit pod-racing bro, he was actually a Jedi Academy bully who sabered little Jedi boys for their power converter money? KABOOM. Another billion dollars. Someone get the Coen brothers to write that shit.

(By the way, there’s a whole lot of people out there bitching that the new movie is too much like the first Star Wars movie, which is amusing, because the first Star Wars movie itself took its plot from ANOTHER movie. Originality is overrated. I’d rather watch a movie that steals from something good than an “original” movie that’s fucking terrible. That’s especially true of Star Wars, where all I really give a shit about is the look and the dialogue and the characters. They nailed ALL of that, and that’s no small feat. So bitch all you want for some magical unicorn movie out there that borrows from nothing at all. It doesn’t exist.)

16 comments:

  1. for the record ctrl+c then ctrl+v of someones blog isn't writing an article

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  2. Leave the prequels be. Not everyone hated them. Besides if anything. Disney should do a Knights of the Old Republic movie.

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    1. I been saying the same thing since I finished the game the first time . The original Knights of the Old Republic game would make an excellent movie with right director

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    2. hell yeah - or a KotOR series!

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  3. If I owned Disney, I'd erase the Prequels from existence and start again with awesome writers and filmmakers. They could be SOOO good.

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  4. Another whiny irrational fan boy.

    Get. In. The. Trash. Compactor.

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  5. This is the dumbest idea ever. If anything, and not that I wanted it and because at the time I had no idea George Lucas would suddenly sell Lucasfilm to Disney, I expect him to remake the ORIGINALS to better fit his crappy prequels as he clearly was no longer the same person who wrote them and wanted to change far more aspects about them than just the visual ones (evidenced by a prequel trilogy that simply did not transition to the originals in either story or feel). I'm well enough with "Old Ben" Kenobi's explanation of the past to Luke. Remaking the prequels will only lead to remaking the originals as well because they will seem so dated visually. Best leave the past in the past, ignore the prequels or treat them as one person's interpretation of the past onscreen (how "most people" in the Galaxy think it took place), and focus on moving the story forward.

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  6. For the same reasons stated in my previous post I'm not too crazy about the idea of the "Rogue One" movie. Just leave the past in the past, we get it well enough. Not that the film wouldn't be cool but all this telling of past Star Wars events with new film technology that makes the core original trilogy look so dated feels off.

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  7. No, it's the Lucas magic. They have more story in those movies than TFA. Yes, a bit childish, and Jar Jar wasn't the best creation maybe, but they're Lucas' vision and I enjoyed them. Ewan as Kenobi was awesome, Mace "freakin" Windu... nuff said.

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  8. What about Darth Bane trilogy?

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  9. Hilarious post. Even more hilarious are the commenters who didn't realize it was satire.

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  10. Bullshit. Despite some little things that could have been better, I love the prequels. And they give me the Star Wars feeling. Although it feels different to the OT but that ain´t a bad thing at all. I´m looking forward to NEW stuff.

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  11. In all honesty the only prequel that really needs remade is The Phantom Menace. But in a future movie, maybe the Han Solo biography, there needs to be a headline that reads: News from Naboo! The entire bloodline of the Binks family, of the Gungan people has been wiped out due to some unknown illness." Jar Jar Binks is a blight on the Star Wars universe. And damn it Disney, BRING BACK THE EXTENDED UNIVERSE! Please....

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  12. The Phantom Menace doesn't need to be remade, because the story it tells never even needed to be told. It just needs to be erased from history. It's almost as if George Lucas just made it to buy himself time to figure out how to actually start telling the story of Anakin Skywalker. But then, even with the extra time he bought himself, he still made two HORRIBLE movies. I don't want the prequels remade. I want them deleted from the Universe. Wipe the slate totally clean and start over from scratch. No Naboo. No Padme. No Gungans. No Trade Federation. No Darth Maul. No battle droids. No Count Dukoo. No Qui-gon Gin. No Jedi Council. Just. Delete. All. Of. It.

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  13. The Phantom Menace doesn't need to be remade, because the story it tells never even needed to be told. It just needs to be erased from history. It's almost as if George Lucas just made it to buy himself time to figure out how to actually start telling the story of Anakin Skywalker. But then, even with the extra time he bought himself, he still made two HORRIBLE movies. I don't want the prequels remade. I want them deleted from the Universe. Wipe the slate totally clean and start over from scratch. No Naboo. No Padme. No Gungans. No Trade Federation. No Darth Maul. No battle droids. No Count Dukoo. No Qui-gon Gin. No Jedi Council. Just. Delete. All. Of. It.

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